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Church jokes

Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 18:29
Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"

"I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."
Categories: Humor

Software jokes

Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 14:29
Old software engineers never die, they just reboot.
Categories: Humor

Jokes

Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 10:29
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cow?

Roost beef!
Categories: Humor

There are these three women A redhead a...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
There are these three women A redhead a brunette and a blonde. And they start to talk about their daughters. The red head says "you know i caught my daughter with cigars i did not know she smoked!" then the brunette says " I know! i found booze in my daughters room i didnt know mine drank!" then the blonde says.."OMG i like totally know where ur coming form OMG, i found like these these ummm condoms!? in my daughters room...like OMG i didnt know she had *whispers* a penisssss"
Categories: Humor

Where can you buy a 3 headed flying pur...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
Where can you buy a 3 headed flying purple camel with 74 noses?


Ebay.
Categories: Humor

why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner?

he was already stuffed!
Categories: Humor

whats a ghost's favorite fruit? boober...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
whats a ghost's favorite fruit?

booberries!
Categories: Humor

what did one mountain say to the other?...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
what did one mountain say to the other?

meet you in the valley!
Categories: Humor

what do penguins use as napkins? flapk...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
what do penguins use as napkins?

flapkins!
Categories: Humor

Two ships were at sea, a British one an...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
Two ships were at sea, a British one and a German one. Suddenly the British ship malfunctioned and they were going down
So they radioed the Germans and said" mayday mayday. We're sinking!!"

Some time lapsed and the Germans replied, "what are you s-thinking about?"
Categories: Humor

"A couple of New Jersey hunters are out...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
"A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

"The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: 'My friend is dead! What can I do?'

"The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: 'Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.'

"There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: 'OK, now what?'"
Categories: Humor

What do you call a sheep covered in cho...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?

A chocolate BAA
Categories: Humor

A three legged dog walks into a bar and...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the guy that shot my paw."
Categories: Humor

A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. THe employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.
Categories: Humor

This guy goes to the Olympics and sees ...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
This guy goes to the Olympics and sees a guy carrying a long pole.

He asks - Are you a pole vaulter?

Guy replies - No I'm German, and my name is Hans.
Categories: Humor

Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to pe...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to perform a logical right shift?

A: 32. One to hold the bits and 31 to push the register.
Categories: Humor

What do real men do to please their wom...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
What do real men do to please their women?

Real men don't care.
Categories: Humor

A big scary looking man comes to a trad...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
A big scary looking man comes to a trader in a slave market. "Can you sell me ten slaves for some, uh, fun". "Of course" says the trader. The man picks 10 fittest male slaves, orders them to stay in line and then takes a gun and shoots nine of them at random. The surprised trader asks: "Why the hell didn't you buy just one instead of wasting 9 perfectly good slaves". The man answers: "That's just not the same... Look at that last guy - he has such a tight ass now!"
Categories: Humor

Doctor to a woman: The good news is you...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
Doctor to a woman: The good news is you don't have PMS...the bad news is your a bitch
Categories: Humor

A bear walks in to a bar and says to th...

25 Latest Jokes - Fri, 03/24/2017 - 09:43
A bear walks in to a bar and says to the bartender, "give me a drink." The bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve bears." The bear says, "well, give me a drink or I'll eat that woman at the other end of the bar." The bartender says, "psh, go ahead." So the bear eats the woman and asks the bartender one more time to give him a drink. The bartender says, "we don't serve bears on drugs." The bear, clearly dumbfounded says, "what? I'm not on drugs." And the bartender says, "that was a bar-bitch-you-ate"
Categories: Humor

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